Valentine’s Day can be a wonderful holiday for kids to celebrate in the classroom. It not only gives them an opportunity to be creative, but it also teaches them how to be inclusive and friendly to all of their classmates. Done right, it can highlight the importance of friendship, kindness, acceptance, and more.
By now, you have probably received notice from your child’s school about an upcoming Valentine’s Day celebration and some general guidelines for ways in which your student can participate. But if you're like most parents, you may still have questions about how best to celebrate the holiday.
Not to worry, though, if your child’s upcoming Valentine’s Day celebration has you wondering about proper etiquette. We spoke with teachers and etiquette experts about what you should and shouldn’t do when it comes to celebrating at your child’s school. Follow our guidelines below and no one will be seeing red come February 14.
Since When Did Valentine's Day Turn Into a Second Christmas Where We Lavish Our Kids With Gifts?
Should Your Child Give Every Student a Card?
Most teachers and etiquette experts we spoke with indicated that it is usually recommended to give every student in the classroom a valentine, especially if your child is passing them out at school. Doing so teaches your child to be inclusive and keeps kids from feeling alone or isolated.
In fact, most schools have policies on card-giving, indicating that if you are going to give out cards at all, then you need to give one to every student, says Kellie Kopach, EdD, an educator at Deer Path Middle School. “Most importantly, this teaches children to be polite and inclusive to their peers.”
No parent wants their child to be the one to open an empty Valentine’s Day box. That said, giving cards to everyone can get tricky for kids who feel like they have been bullied by a particular student and are wary of giving them a token of friendship. If this is the situation for your student, talk to their teacher about alternatives. But really, this should be the exception and not the norm.
You also can reduce the discomfort your kids feel about giving cards to everyone by changing the meaning of the Valentine’s Day cards. Instead of focusing on romantic love, like adults do, make the focus about friendship and acceptance. Removing some of the pressure of Valentine’s Day can help kids feel a little more relaxed about giving cards to everyone in their classroom.
What If I Can't Afford Cards for Every Student?
If giving cards to every student presents a hardship for your family, you could talk with your child’s teacher to explain your family’s situation if you feel comfortable doing so, suggests Kopach. “Most of us have materials or craft items we can provide families to ensure a fantastic Valentine’s Day.”
You also can use what craft supplies you have at home, or print out cards from online resources. Sometimes these cards end up being the most beloved cards because of the effort poured into the process, Kopach adds. It also gives kids the unique opportunity to showcase their creativity and thoughtfulness.
“Concentrate on the old but very true saying that it is the thought that counts” says Kristi Spencer, founder of The Polite Company. “With just a small investment, your child will be able to use their imagination and make personalized cards for their friends. Some other low-cost ideas include glow bracelets, bubbles, pencils, suckers, or other bulk party favors, along with a note.”
You also can consider volunteering in your child's class to give them an experience money can't buy, she adds. Maybe that's reading a book, helping them with a craft, or teaching them a song.
Should Your Child Address Each Card on Their Own?
Typically for younger grades, students often create bags or faux “mailboxes” for in-class card exchanges, says Kopach. So, while they may not have to put each student’s name on a card, they may be asked to write their own name on each valentine to let their classmates know who the card is from.
“Encouraging children to handwrite their own cards is a wonderful way to add a personal touch and promote good penmanship” says Nicole Rose, with Poised & Proper Etiquette Consulting. “However, this may be challenging for younger children. In such cases, using a stamp with their name can be a suitable alternative that still maintains a level of personalization.”
If you do plan to have your child sign all their Valentine’s Day cards, it’s important to start early, says Spencer. “Valentine's Day is a wonderful opportunity for your child to learn the specialness of a handwritten card.”
Keep in mind, too, that if your child has certain physical challenges or social limitations, they may need extra time to complete their valentines as well. Not only may it take longer for them to fill out each valentine, but they also may need more time to decide who gets which valentine. In these situations, it could be helpful to get the class list early or to send every student the same card to avoid decision-making fatigue.
Valentine's Day-Inspired Names
Should Your Child Acknowledge the Teacher on Valentine’s Day?
As a former educator, Rose says she cherished the little sketches and keepsakes her students gave her. “In fact, I still hold onto them to this day! It’s a wonderful gesture for kids to show gratitude to their teachers on Valentine’s Day [but] it needn’t be anything elaborate. A heartfelt, homemade card or a modest gift, such as a drawing or a simple craft project, can be incredibly meaningful.”
Kopach says she particularly loves homemade cards. “Any time students acknowledge their appreciation through words or art, that’s more than enough.”
What Should I Do if My Child’s School Does Not Celebrate Valentine’s Day?
If your child’s school has a policy against celebrating Valentine’s Day, it’s important to honor the school’s rules and avoid sending cards or treats to school as requested. Instead, your child can deliver their valentines outside of the school day, or mail them to their friends instead.
You also can consider having a celebration at your home or a local establishment if you still really want to celebrate the day, says Jules Hirst, an etiquette and lifestyle coach at Etiquette Consulting. For instance, she recommends hosting a Valentine's Day-themed craft party at your home, baking heart-shaped cookies or treats to share with friends and family, or watching a Valentine's Day-themed film during a family movie night.
You also could host a Valentine's Day-themed scavenger hunt at home or in your neighborhood. Or, you could try having a family picnic complete with heart-shaped sandwiches and snacks, she says.
What If My Child Doesn’t Want to Participate in Valentine's Day at School?
School celebrations always have the potential to be overwhelming for children, no matter how inclusive they are. If this is the case with your child, try to find out what it is about the day that makes them dread it so much. Then, see if you can troubleshoot together on how to make it more enjoyable.
You also can celebrate with your child outside of school so they don’t come to dread the day every year. Baking some cookies, giving them a little gift, or creating a special treat can be enough to help them navigate the day without any dread. The key is to do something that helps them look forward to the day rather than look on it with dread.
Remember, the spirit of Valentine’s Day in schools should be about friendship and kindness, rather than romantic sentiments, says Rose. “Encouraging children to express appreciation and friendship can make the day enjoyable for everyone. Also, considering inclusivity and sensitivity to those who may not celebrate the holiday for cultural or personal reasons is important. A discussion with your child about respecting diverse perspectives and traditions can be a valuable part of the experience.”
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